By: Betty Predmore
As I sit in this hospital waiting room today, waiting as my son undergoes his 64th procedure, I feel anger bubbling up to the surface. I feel anger at his birth mother, whose lifestyle of poor choices left three small children with different struggles to overcome. This son has a health issue brought on by his mother’s drug use, another son has learning delays, a daughter has speech issues. These children are suffering the consequences of a mother who put her own “wants” ahead of her children’s needs. It makes me angry! I am angry that my daughter struggles at times to be understood. I am angry that one of my sons struggles so much in school. I am angry that another son faces a lifetime of procedures. I can work myself up into a real “fit” if I let myself.
But then God speaks to me. He whispers in my ear in that soft way that only He can. He reminds me that I must have a forgiving heart. He reminds me that this woman has an opportunity to be forgiven of these sins because of the price my Savior paid at Calvary, and that it is not MY place to judge her. He also reminds me that if I want my life to imitate His, my heart needs to be filled with joy and thanksgiving, not anger, resentment, and strife.
So I take a moment and I put to death my heart of anger, and I resurrect a heart of joy and thankfulness. I am thankful that this woman, despite her chaos and addictions, chose to birth her babies rather than abort them. I am thankful that God chose my husband and me to raise these children as our own, to give them love and encouragement. I am thankful that we have the precious opportunity to teach them the Word of God and to live it out before them. I am thankful that every night an 11-year old and a 7- year old hug me and kiss me goodnight, and a 6-year old princess prays for me. I am thankful to be there for the loose teeth, baseball games, camping adventures, and movie nights. I am thankful that I can sit here today in this cold and sterile waiting room, and that my face will be one of the first my son sees when he wakes up.
Most of all, I am thankful that God can take this heart…my resurrected heart….and use it to bring joy, peace, and love to not only my children, but others as well.
Jesus did not sacrifice His life that day so long ago so that we could be angry.He did not perish so that we had to carry our sins around with us like heavy baggage. He gave His life on the cross so that we could all have forgiveness. He sacrificed so that we could live with joy and hope, and the assuredness of being washed of our transgressions. We find that assuredness through our intimate relationship with Him.
Are you carrying a heavy load today? Are you living with anger, fear, or hopelessness? Remember that Jesus was resurrected on the third day and HE LIVES! Let your heart be resurrected through His saving grace. Trade your sorrow for laughter, your anger for joy. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)
